Road trip around the world, anyone?

The word “travel” has this unmistakably liberating feeling that I can’t quite pinpoint. For me, the word contains blue skies, flight, and freedom.

(Don’t get me wrong, cloudy days, I don’t play favorites much when it comes to weather - but it’s kinda hard to imagine oneself flying through an impenetrable layer of clouds, isn’t it? Anyway, I digress: )

Travel contains excitement, salty ocean water, romantic nights on Venetian canals, and delectable Hungarian sunsets that don’t mean a thing unless shared with someone worth loving. It contains koala marches, bugles trilling, and heels clacking upon history made.

Travel means elephants and penguins on one’s mind, currents of currant, and windmills (egad, they must be giants!). It means soaking in delicious rays of sunlight on the coast of the Mediterranean and dancing in the moonlight on a Spanish veranda.

Travel is exotic spices and smells from India, basket-fulls of dried pineapples from Hawaii, complete with a perfect nap on a woven hammock in Guam. It is feeling the breeze kiss you awake on a Brazilian meadow, and wearing your heart on your sleeve (but not so evidently that just about any foreigner snatches it away!).

Travel entails getting lost on a journey to the Roman forum, only to find yourself wishing that you could stay lost forever. It entails the sounds of rich drums playing, butterfly kisses from real butterflies, and countless colors that light your path to another place just as extraordinary.

I want to go. I want to taste. I want to fly. I want to see. I want to get away.

If only.

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Sorry for the long hiatus, and thank God for Haruki Murakami. Nobody can escape his influence, it seems, since it gave birth to this one.

Props to anyone who understands all the references I made here. Haha

cr: realityDream@Deviantart for the photo.

Cultured Cowardice

We meet for the first time and exchange pleasantries, our eyeteeth peeking through our lips and our hearts fluttering with excitement. There is no difference to me in meeting you for the first time and meeting anyone else for the first time. My first impression of you is quickly fleeting, and is quickly buried beneath my first impression of another.

I can't remember my first impression of you was, nor am I sure that I want to.

But despite my useless initial impression of you, it is the time that we began to spend together that made my fluttering grow to the blubbering of my words and my eyeteeth being more and more eager to shine for your sake. And it was for your sake and yours only that my mouth began to weave garlands of the the most beautiful words for you, so that you'd be drawn in by its unnaturally sweet scent.

Your head wanted to rest upon my lap while you dozed off to sleep, and my hand long to be intertwined with yours to feel a sense of belonging and security; but neither of us had the courage.

And because of our individual shortcomings, we danced around our relationship with words; each of us were sure that we knew what each other were thinking. A slight, careless wave of my hand became disapproval and disgust in your eyes, and your silence took root within me to become doubt, the bane of my existence - and ultimately, our relationship.

And we slowly turned, about-face from each other, and began to delve into other relationships that we were unsatisfied with because we were too afraid to be honest with ourselves. But we deceived ourselves into thinking that we were happy with these compromises that we made with ourselves.

When I cried underneath my sheets at the darkest of hours, I wondered if you were crying too, wherever you may be.

We disrobed and crammed our feelings underneath our consciousness like clothes beneath the eaves of our consciousness. The lingering heat was and still is the most painful part of it all.

And now I ask of you, putting my cowardice behind me,

Just burn me down and take all I have, because it's not mine to give.

It never was.

COMPSCI PROJECT

CLICK THIS:
http://rhyelee.webs.com/
and tell me what you think. :D

Seasons of Love

I land:
on a forested path, lined with trees.
The scent of acacia floats in the air,
then cherry, with a touch of pungent firs.
It makes no difference to my eyes,
which water with ambivalent tears all the same.

I drop:
into a mountainside creek, pleasantly chilly.
The rivulet trills its own hill-song,
teasing me into relinquishing my doubts.
I foolishly pull my heart out, onto my hands,
and watch in horror as the currents yank it from my grasp.


I fall:
in a grove, littered with fallen leaves.
The lifeless foliage crackles at my soles,
dead, breaking, gone awry.
I secretly envy them for lacking the capability
to feel disappointed in those who let them fall.

I descend:
onto a lakeside meadow, blanketed with snowflakes.
Death-pale flakes graze my cheek,
kissing them a deep shade of rosy pink whilst passing.
The frost-bitten grass bends to the will of the wind
And caresses my fingers, my lips, my lost heart.

- - - -
Also at:
http://sagwa-neem.deviantart.com/art/Seasons-of-Love-121501245

img: http://fionabbz.deviantart.com/art/heart-106595984

Current, Currant, Jam.

I'm just as
ambiguous as I'd like to be,
teeter-tottering with my words;
I'm not as brave as I'd like.

I'm just as belligerent as the next person,
battling myself to better my world;
I wish I'd been born invincible.

I'm just as destitute as I'd like to be
when I lose, lose, keep losing;
I can, can't, can, can't.

I'm just as
ephemeral as the next person,
Born, living, here, gone;
I simply can't live in your memory forever.

I'm just as
glad as I'd like to be,
often not than am;
My saccharine smile tells a different story.

I'm just as
indescribable as the next person,
extroverted, introverted, exasperated;
My mind contains too many flavors to count.

I'm just as
jealous as I'd like to be,
too much, too little, too enough;
I wonder sometimes if I'd ever been satisfied.

I'm just as
melodramatic as the next person,
as amusing to watch as a star falling;
But I am nothing when I hit the ground.

I'm just as
revolutionary as I'd like to be,
Heart aflame and undignified;
I almost believe that I can be the change I want to see.

I'm just as
shy as the next person,
cleverly disguising my sloth;
I'm a coward, hiding behind my brave lies.

I'm just as
unique as the next person,
a tree in a forest;
But I'm not.

And through this,
I want,
been wanting,
to see you -
you, who'd been
the only one
to see me
differently;
Deo volente.

My Desperation

Beginning, Begging.
I need you, I need you, I need you
When these turbulent emotions are stirring up my sould
I need you, I need you, I need you,
When my heart ready to burst from the pressure
I need you, I nEed you, I NEED you,
Because the string of sanity I cling onto is so, so thin
I NEEd you, I nEEd you, I neeD you,
Because You're the only one that can calm the storm in my soul
I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU.
I will shout, I will cry, I will whisper, I will scream until You are here, like an immature child, here.
Here, here, Here.
I'm Here.
Here.
HERE.
here.
When my senses are caught in a tempest, unable to see
Unable to see
Where you are.
Where you are, Lord.
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Call to me with your whispers, the sweetest,
Cling to me with your love, unfailing,
Draw me to you with your power, unmatched,
Help me triumph over these demons, Lord of Victory, Prince of Peace, Light of the World, Alpha, Omega, Beginning, End.
Draw an end to these demons I cannot fight alone.
End.
End.

Unashamed, untamed, undignified, unworthy, I prostrate myself down upon your cloud-kissed feet
Again and again and again.
Again.
Because
there You are;
here You are,
here You are,
heart open, arms wide,
warm and forever inviting,
Drawing me in.
In and in and in 'til I'm lost, helplessly in love.
Oh Lord, may I forever bask in the rays of Your incomparable grace.
Grace, grace, love,
Flower within me
and teach me to make His ways
mine,
mine,
mine.

- - - -

Inspired by the Book of Job & the Book of Psalms in the Bible along with something I experienced during the day that gave me a bunch of raw emotion to work with. This is unedited, so forgive any mistakes.

Forgive me for writing all these totally overzealous poems all the time as well, since it seems that this is the only effective fuse for me to channel out my emotions anymore.

CHRISTmas

I'm thankful for today.
I'm thankful for how I can live my life my way.
I'm thankful for how I can say what I want to say.
I'm thankful for having fingers to type this.
I'm thankful for the snow's frigid, gentle kiss.
I'm thankful for my brother who has made me cry and laugh and become angry.
I'm thankful for my mother and father, whose hearts I've finally learned how to see.
I'm thankful for my not-blue-as-I'd wished-mud-brown eyes.
I'm thankful for how they've let me see the opulent beauty of this world and through blatant lies.
I'm thankful for my shepherd who leads me on each day.
I'm thankful for his waiting for me when from Him I stray.
I'm thankful for every hand that threaded together every garment I wear,
I'm thankful for every hand that is lifted in prayer.
I'm thankful for my two feet, two eyes, nose, hair, arms, legs, and God knows what else,
Because I am blessed with the norm that other people dream to have.

I'm thankful for yesterday.
I'm thankful for every single person I've met whether it might've been for the worse.
I'm thankful for every friend I've lost because they've taught me remorse.
I'm thankful for my friends who have long gone and passed away.
I'm thankful for how they've taught me how to mourn and cry and become stronger, and how to say
I'm thankful for everything that ever happened.
I'm thankful for every single trial I've undertaken.
I'm thankful for the God that breaks and
heals.
I'm thankful for every single person who broke me, whether or not they did it for the sake of strife.
I'm thankful for the fact that they've taught me to have standards for people, for life.
I'm thankful for the people who left too early, their lives fleeting before I could grasp them.
I'm thankful for how they've taught me how every person, cruel or generous, is a precious gem.
I'm thankful for the rude people who shove and scramble their way into subways in the morn.
I'm thankful for the new people, new lives, whom everyday are being born.
I'm thankful for every smiling person who handed me a free sample.
I'm thankful for strangers who've unconsciously given me ample.
I'm thankful for every leaf that fell onto my head in the fall.
I'm thankful for every person who never picked up their phone when I called.
I'm thankful for every last cup of cocoa that I drank on a frigid winter's day.
I'm thankful for every last person who said for me what I wanted to say.
I'm thankful for every season, whether damp or dry.
I'm thankful for the heat that warmed me and the rain that hid me when I cried.
I'm thankful for every wound, scratch, bruise that I've ever received.
Because they've left lasting scars to help me remember.

I'm thankful for tomorrow.
I'm thankful for the people who I'll meet, and will never meet.
I'm thankful for smiling faces inspiring me to live on, while I'm walking down a street.
I'm thankful for every bone I'll break, every wound too real.
I'm thankful for the God who heals.
I'm thankful for the deserts I'll stumble upon in my walk with my Lord.
I'm thankful for the one who will lead me on and protect me with His sword.
I'm thankful for all the cabs that will splash water on me while I'm walking in the rain.
I'm thankful for the corny, stupid, surreal Korean dramas that'll keep me sane.
I'm thankful for every slap on the face that'll put me in place.
I'm thankful for every rainy day that'll ruin my plans for the day.
I'm thankful for the coldest winters and the hottest summers.
I'm thankful for the coolest falls and the rainiest of springs
I'm thankful for the schools I will attend, the jobs I will have,
Because I know that my life full of everyday norms is someone else's dream come true.

But above all,

I'm thankful for Christmas.
I'm thankful for
His grace, continuously flowing,
His arms, warm and welcoming,
His heart, excruciatingly giving,
His eyes, all-seeing,
His hands, always healing,
His glory, forever lasting
His reign, never ending.

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Image credit: http://wintermagick.blogspot.com/2008/11/sheet-music-christmas-ornaments.html


- - - -

I actually don't like this one as much, but I had this in my head for a while so I had to get it out.
But really, there are too many things to be thankful for.